Confession: I physically abused my children two nights ago.

It's true. This is hard for me to admit it, but apparently I have allowed the stress to get to me. We have a lot of things going on in our life right now, moving, work stresses etc. It's no excuse, but I allowed it to cloud my vision and I lost site of my responsibilitis as a father.

I actually choked my 10 year old son Karston until he passed out. Then, Josiah, my 7 year old just kept pushing my buttons and I ended up punching him about 4-5 times until he was in tears. Not my finest moment. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

In fact, it made me feel so sick to my stomach, that even when I woke up I still felt sick about it.

Yeah, it was just a dream. It started out that I was in a fight with this HUGE guy in a park. He wouldn't let me leave the park without fighting him. Now, most of the time when I have a fight dream, the other person is moving in real time while I'm throwing punches through molasses, no speed and it's very frustrating because I know I can whip this guys butt but I'm unable to move at real speed. This time, it was all as it should be. While he outweighed me and had about 6 inches on me, I was wailing on the dude. I was getting off punches and using his weight against him to throw him, I even put a killer arm lock on him that left him only able to fight with one hand.....but he JUST KEPT COMING!

I kept trying to get him to give it up for his own sake but he wouldn't. Finally I had enough and I was able to get behind him and put him in a choke hold until he passed out. Problem was, as soon as he passed out and hit the ground, he turned into my oldest son Karston. Of course everyone there was giving me well deserved grief for choking my son out but I assured them all that he would come back around momentarily, which he did. But as soon as he regained consciousness, he turned into this big ole dude again! So, I'm trying to let him know that for his own sake he needs to bow out but he wouldn't do it. I felt like one of the heroes in a good Louis Lamour western, just wailing on the guy but he just kept coming back for more. So...I unleashed a furious combo of about 5 punches to the temples on either side of his head. At which point, he immediately turned into my sweet sensitive 7 year old Josiah who was standing in front of me not only crying from the pain, but from the obvious hurt and betrayal I had just given him. I then had to sit on the ground and hug him telling him that I loved him and, after all, I had warned him I didn't want to fight him.


WHAT THE HECK????!!!!!!

What kind of dream is that that left me feeling sick to my stomach even after I woke up? I'm the kind of person that always wants to know what a dream means. You know, what's it mean when you have that dream that you are naked in front of your whole class in 8th grade?

Well, after a couple days of reflection, I think this was a reminder from God to not allow my situation and struggles, which seem to outweigh me and have at least 6 inches on me, to affect my family. To be very careful not to mistake my children and their tendencies to disobey and lie and generally act like savage 7 and 10 year olds, as my enemy. Focus my determination and will to fight on those circumstances, and focus every ounce of my energy on bestowing upon my children, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. It's what they deserve.

I'll be a savage and wail on my problems, but I'll be a "velvet covered brick" with my children. Be solid and unmoving on the outside, but soft and tender on the outside. That's a real man.

A fake man is tough looking on the outside, like a brick, but weak and soft on the inside. That's the kind of man that beats his kids up but is too much of a wuss to stand up to a big problem.

By the grace of God, you will never hear me start a real life sentence with "Confession: I physically abused my children two nights ago"

Lose a friend lose God? Part III

So, I have talked about the importance of friendships in your relationship with God, and have talked about seeing a glimpse of God in the relationships around you.

In this "episode" I want to talk about a passage in Scripture. Matthew 7:3-6 says:

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

I always used to view this as a commentary against being judgemental, realizing that it's hypocritical to judge the faults of someone when in reality, you are full of enough of your own faults. While this is very true, I realized something about 10 years ago having to do with the mechanics of how our eyeballs work.

Experiment time.....try this. You can either gaze into someone else's eye, or stare at your own in a mirror.

This is how the human eye works:

The first step in how your eye works is the light from the outside world traveling to your eye.

The light then enters the eye through the pupil and travels to the cornea.

The cornea then focuses the light upon the lens.

The lens further focuses the light on the retina. The image is flipped over and spread across the back of the retina. The retina then carries the light signals to the brain via the optic nerve.

This is the interesting part. If you look into someone else's eye, in good light, you will see what they see, flipped over. When you see into someone's eye, you can see yourself....tiny and upside down.

Let's get back to Jesus' example in Matthew. Let's just assume you literally had a plank in your eye (and hadn't previously noticed the seering pain that comes with a log stuck in your eye) and you were face to face with a friend and you leaned in close to tell them something serious, then noticed what looked like a speck of sawdust in their eye.

That "sawdust" you would be looking at would actually be a tiny, flipped over mirror image of the pine tree protruding from your own eye. Jesus' point was that when you see something in someone that bothers you, realize that it's just a minute reflection of a large problem in your own life.

Our friends, especially when their character flaws get on our nerves, are Jesus' way of communicating to us.

If I'm not involved in close friendships, I won't have the opportunity to see myself and my faults that God wants me to work on. He uses the lamp of their eyes to illuminate the areas of my life He wants to give me the grace to improve.

Yes, if I lose a friend, I lose that communcation from God, through their eyes. If I lose a friend, I lose God.

Stay tuned to see what C.S. Lewis and Lord of The Rings has to say about finding God in our friendships.

Lose a friend lose God? Part II

Broken legs, babies and moving in the winter.

In Genesis 35:11, just after God changed Jacob's name to Israel, God told him that a "community of nations will come from you" Interesting that he used the word "community". I would actually enjoy studying the Hebrew word used here but all my books are packed in boxes. That would probably only serve to give me some head knowledge regarding community but I think I have a practical knowledge of community.

I think that when there is a void of friendship, there is a part of God that is lost. I know that I see God in the community around me.

I know that I see a glimpse of God when I'm working out and a group of people that have invested in me and my well being are encouraging me to "push through the suck" and attain a level of intensity, speed, strength, endurance that I have previously been unable to achieve.

I know that I see God in little things at work. Like in the sharing of pecans and venison sausage.
Or in more important things, like when a co worker and I break through the realm of "shop talk" and share with one another about personal loss, or former dissapointments and failures in life.

I know that I see God when I see our entire church family love on baby Lucy and baby Chloe (and soon to be Ritchie twins) when they are around.

I know that I see God when I see an entire community gather around our friend Hannah when she broke her leg recently. I see God when I see people organize meal delivery and time to just hang out with her while she is immobile because we don't want someone we love to have to be alone during a difficult time. I see God when I know that one of our friends went to see Hannah and offered to wash her hair for her so she could feel refreshed. Yep, you heard me, washed her hair for her. Pretty awesome friendships that are a reflection of God.

I know I see God in my friends who have offered to give up a Saturday of relaxing with their family to come out in the cold and help us move, because they know this is a move that our circumstances chose for us and we would not have chosen to do on our own and they don't want us to have to do it without support.

I know I see God when I see the gang of children at church running around screaming and being free to act like children.

I have no question I see God in the earth shaking, full sprint, body slam hugs that Alyssa, Savannah and Mercy greet one another with when they see each other.

I think I have a pretty clear idea of community. And I know for certain that if I lost these things, these friends, I would definitely feel a sense of losing a part of God.

Stay tuned to see how an irritated eye and CS Lewis and Lord of the Rings all prove that losing friends contributes to a loss of the nature of God.

Lose a friend lose God?

Friendships have always been important to me. I consider myself a good friend, but, I guess everyone considers themselves a good friend. I think I'm a good friend because Proverbs says that a friend must show himself friendly. I have so many good (quality) friends that, following the logic of this proverb, I must have been given enough of God's grace to be a good friend to them or they wouldn't stick around as my friend.

Recently, in church, our pastor Eric Lerew asked people why they come to church. My response was meant to be somewhat humorous but actually showed a bit of my heart. I said I come to church because without church I wouldn't have friends. It was meant as a bit of self deprecating humour. I do have friends where I workout at Crossfitfire and I do have friends at work as well as old childhood friends I have stayed in touch with (thanks in great part to Facebook). But as I reflected on my answer, I realized that my friendships are very important and do in fact play a very spiritual role in my life.

Several years ago I posted a series of blogs on how disgusted I was with church and Christians. I really was rather irritated and disillusioned with Christianity in it's present state. The real revelation that came to me recently was that this was during a time in my life that I was very disconnected from any real friendships. We didn't have a church family that fostered close friendships, I didn't have a community of like minded people I worked out with, we hadn't discovered the "magic" of Facebook and My Space and at work I was moving from one office to another rather frequently and not establishing meaningful friendships.

This got me thinking and I've come to a few conclusions. I'm going to cut this one short and make this a series so it doesn't become too long and boring, but stay tuned over the next couple days to see how C.S. Lewis, Lord of The Rings, babies, broken legs, moving in the winter and a splinter in the eyeball all play into the importance of friendships in knowing God more.